ListenAn Essential Ingredient in Treatment
At a recent CYC-Net Canada Conversations-in-Motion webinar with Child and Youth Care Workers from different parts of the globe there was one reality that everyone agreed on: Child and Youth Care Work is definitely NOT for everyone. This agreement was followed by another in shared emails after the meeting between many who participated in the Webinar. Too many treatment programs allow unsuited employees to keep their jobs, at the expense of our wounded and vulnerable children and young people. And I might add, at the expense of other staff members who ARE suited for therapeutic work with clients in programs for abused and neglected children and youth and have the misfortune of working in “teams” who are not united in “teamwork” and harmony regarding “care” and treatment.
I am a good example of someone who knew nothing about Child Welfare or Residential Facilities for abused and neglected children and teens. It so happened that friends of mine lived across the street from a very large “institutional looking” facility and they had no idea what they did or who it was for. Not knowing didn’t bother them but I was so surprised they didn’t care about either what was going on over there or that they didn’t know anything about it. Being the busy body that I was (even in my early 20’s) I marched over there one late afternoon and rang the doorbell. That doorbell ring changed my entire life! I spent the next decades of my life as I am doing now – working with and for, and fretting about, wounded children who are too damaged mentally and whose behaviors (being angry, non-compliant, and sometimes dangerous) to be taken care of by relatives, or foster parents. These children and teens end up in what we refer to as “congregate” or “group” care. I was frankly intrigued when he agreed to hire me because I obviously didn’t know much, but I had a couple of years of college, and I had experience as a Camp Counselor!
That very first job was one of the luckiest things that has ever happened to me. The Executive Director took a shine to me and always welcomed me when I ran down to his office for an explanation for the “outrageous” stories I heard and behavior I experienced. I was told this was “the way it is”. He taught me the most important lesson I ever learned for the ethical treatment of children and youth in care. As a quite young new worker with a limited education, imagine my surprise when “the children” that were being referred to during my hiring interview were actually teenagers, and not much younger than I was. I was astonished and frankly appalled at the behavior of the kids I was now in charge of. I had never heard such foul language in my life, and certainly not directed toward me. Given my very strict childhood I had never seen such belligerence and anger and refusal to comply with directions and demands. I had also never seen such grief, and sadness, and anger and bewilderment by so many people – children in this case - in one place. I had never witnessed such peculiar and outrageous behavior by children. But I was intrigued!
I would run down to the Director’s office almost every day to relay my astonishment at what I was witnessing and bewilderment about how to respond. Every time he said the same thing: “Let’s pull the file and see why they’re here”. It was everything I needed to know: their behavior said nothing about me, and everything about them. To my chagrin he didn’t discuss “what” they said or did without first finding out “why” they came into care. What could their behavior teach me about who they were and what harm was done to them, explaining why they were in a treatment facility. Understanding why they are with me offered some insight about how I could help them heal and deal with their pain differently.
For the rest of my career – now in its 62nd year – it has been clear to me that believing this – focusing on the “why” and not just the “what” - is the key to healing: and that’s why it can only be called “treatment” if our responses honor and understand their internal wounds from abuse and neglect that brought them to us.
Every new CYC who is hired needs and deserves “tutors” – a supervisor, experienced colleagues – to tell from their first day on the job not only what they can expect from the clients, but why they can expect it, and what will be expected from them as a response. And that is why God made probation! New hires learn what they can expect from the clients, and why: and what. They will also learn what we will expect from them. They will not be paid to “manage behavior”, but rather to understand it. Treatment is not taking away points or privileges or punishing them by sending them to their room or to a “quiet” room. Treatment is working with the young person to explore other ways of responding to their feelings and expectations. That’s the “C” in CYC: it is care! It is treatment, and it is what provides safety for both clients and staff members. This, frankly, does not “suit” or make sense to some applicants for a job ending with Care rather than Consequences. I have been called a “Fluff Ball” more than once! But there are other jobs where you can get paid for responding with punishment to all infractions, where your anger will be understood, and where you won’t have to work as hard. But it won’t be “Treatment”!
Unfortunately, in my first job in residential “treatment” this approach was not popular with the staff who responded more often than not with anger, punishment, even harm (restraints were very popular). I was flabbergasted by how many times I witnessed clients being taken down and held on the floor while being told how horrible they were for doing what they did. The wisdom of the Director was somehow not practiced by my colleagues. When I noticed that the constant loss of privileges and unending lectures about “shaping up” and even embarrassing and sometimes harmful restraints did not change much. Every day was very much like the day before, and so I promised myself then and there to commit myself not to “behavior management”, but to healing the psychological wounds they displayed with their words and their deeds. With that as my “job”, I could stay.
I have written dozens of articles and a book over the years. I thought I had said everything I wanted to say. But my conversation with CYC’s still engaged in “my work” during the webinar resulted in a request to write one more column, addressing the world-wide problem of finding the “right people” to take care of our wounded, angry, obnoxious, sometimes frightening, often depressed and even suicidal, drug addicted, runaway, sneaky, delinquent, self-harming, quirky, mistrusting, vulnerable, traumatized but completely innocent of the crimes committed against them as babies, young children and teenagers. Who in heaven’s name chooses to spend their life in the company of these hurt and hurting children of God? Child and Youth Care Workers all over the world, that’s who. People who place their own needs for “respect” third and the clients need for healing first. Their need for understanding second, their need for satisfaction third, knowing it will come after dozens of interactions where clients believe they are cared for, and given new tools to handle their pain. The most interesting, loving, committed, courageous people I have ever met in any profession are those who have committed to “hanging in” to put the needs of those in our care first. I can’t stop wanting their company. Obviously. Here I still am.
Becoming a Supervisor, Executive Director and Assistant Professor in an academic program for Child and Youth Care Workers made it immediately clear what my primary task was: Finding the “right people” to work with the kids I loved.
Trolling the field of applicants and reeling in those who are suited for the task
The worst (and unethical) thing supervisors and managers can do with new CYC applicants is not being honest about who the kids are and what we are asking them to do if they accept a job as a Child and Youth Care Worker. Hurt children hurt: themselves, and others. Sometimes with words, and sometimes with their bodies. Our commitment is to provide the training they will need to understand the outcomes of and trauma from child abuse and neglect they will see and hear: and the training they will need to keep both themselves and the clients safe. Trauma informed care convinces us that care and kindness can and does work and can be incorporated into “consequences”! We cannot commit to using applicants with our children and teens unless and until they are ready to care for and willing to accept who exactly the clients in residential treatment are. And why they are as they are. Any potential CYC Worker who cannot do this needs to be invited to look elsewhere for a career suited to them. The truth is that wanting to do our work does not make one capable of doing it.
The greatest gift we can give our clients and potential staff members is a trial period to become acquainted with actual clients:
Many, if not most of us, have wanted to do something that we found we did not have the skill or talent for. That is true for some people who want to “help” people, but do not have the temperament, talent, or skills for. We love and respect our young clients by referring these applicants to a profession they are better suited for and thank them for their interest.
And so, the Creator’s great love for wounded children and teens created a spark in the minds of some professionals who also loved and were responsible for the healing of abused and neglected children: “We’ll provide them time to learn about our work, and time for us to learn about them. Together, we will find a way to be sure that the people who are ringing the bell at our facility are able to care for those who may not be able to care for you in return. We’ll call it Probation and it was given as a gift to all children/youth in Care, as well as to caring, competent members of the treatment team.”.
