Lonesome cowboys

New research questions the way we see adolescent boys

They sport oversize T-shirts and takkies and cultivate a tough veneer. They know all there is to know about cellphones and hip-hop but very little about their emotional selves. “Gay" is the worst swear word they know, and nothing is more embarrassing to them than their parents” doting.

Pubescent boys are often difficult to deal with, to say the least. But they also often suffer under rigid, peer-group behavioural codes that social scientists Cheryl Benard and Edit Schlaffer call “the tyranny of being cool”. The two Austrian researchers spent four years studying the world of teenage boys, reaching the conclusion that upon entering puberty, boys lose their sensitivity and their courage to defend their own uniqueness. In a word, they lose their individuality. Adults provide them with little encouragement, with parents and teachers leaving the youngsters to their own devices entirely too soon.

In their new book, Lonesome Cowboys: Boys during Puberty, they argue that committed teachers now focus their support and encouragement on girls much more than boys. They further contend that mothers withdraw their attention from their sons much too early out of fear of turning them into mummy’s boys. By contrast, the researchers say, both fathers and mothers continue to maintain close relationships with their daughters throughout puberty. “Boys are the losers of modern times," is Benard's and Schlaffer’s at first glance surprising conclusion.

Peter Struck, an education specialist at the University of Hamburg, agrees with the researchers” arguments. In recent years, according to Struck, girls have more than made up for the well-documented educational disadvantages they have historically faced. Further, he argues that today’s teachers continue to devote too little attention to boys in areas in which they have traditionally been weaker than girls, such as emotional maturity and subjects like painting, dancing and music. Rather than encouraging boys to explore their feelings and helping them to identify constructive ways to express themselves, Professor Struck says teachers, particularly male teachers, withdraw their emotional support from their male pupils, not least of all to avoid any possible allegations of sexual abuse.

Psychology professor Harald Euler of the University of Kassel criticises what he sees as a lack of acceptable male role models both at home and at school. “There aren’t enough tests of courage and competitive situations," argues the psychologist, who says pubescent boys are constantly on the lookout for challenges. He supports his claim with the fact that high-risk, trendy extreme sports are practised almost exclusively by boys.

Professors Euler and Struck both argue that fathers have ceased to be the most important role models to their sons. Increasingly, they say, teenage boys look to their peer group for orientation “to boys like the basketball ace or the guy in the next class with the huge CD collection. “Fathers can only mould their sons” personalities during the first five years of life," Euler says. “After that, other role models become more important."

Referring to basic psychological research, Professor Struck has even managed to quantify adults” ability to influence a 14-year-old boy’s development: he places the figure of the amount of remaining influence at a mere 5%. The sobering news from researchers, however, is no excuse for parents and educators to throw up their arms in a convenient stance of helplessness. Parents continue to have at their disposal a wide range of ways to influence their sons” choice of role models. Benard and Schlaffer recommend that parents invite their son's friends over to spend the night, saying such situations offer parents an opportunity to glimpse the group dynamics of the clique while also providing a basis for discussion with their own child.