Stories Series #6
Many of us come into the field of Child and Youth Care (CYC) because we want to help kids. Sometimes we think we have the answers and sometimes we know we don’t. Either way, we often work from what we think is best. Sometimes it turns out that what we think is best is actually meeting our own needs, and not the needs of the young person. This often happens when we forget about the importance of intentionality as one of the Characteristics of a Relational Child and Youth Care approach. Without intentionality in our work, we can miss moments or miss opportunities, and we make it about ourselves.
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Billy had been living in our program for nearly four years when a foster home was found for him. During his time at our program he had celebrated many milestones, not the least of which was graduating from Junior High School. Youth Care Workers had been with him every step of the way. There were many connections, so when the time came for him to move on to his foster family there were many emotions from many of us in the program. We were extremely happy to know that he would be moving into a family that would care for him and support him. However, there was also a sense of sadness as he had become part of the fabric of the program, and he would be missed by so many. I can’t count how many moments, conversations, laughs and tears had been shared with him over his time with us.
Once it became official that Billy would be moving to the foster home and a date was set, youth care workers immediately went to task to make something he could take from our program to hold us close and not sever the belonging he felt there. Youth Care Workers reached out to every person who worked with Billy over his time with us, I reached out to the two past supervisors. Each of them almost instantly wrote a few lines to Billy to wish him well on his journey, all filled with messages of praise and gratitude for having known him during his time with us. These were all compiled in a photo album along with many pictures taken of him over the years.
As a team we spent a lot of time talking about how we wanted to be with Billy on the big day of the move. We talked about intentionality and how we wanted to make this a celebration for Billy: a celebration of him starting the next chapter in his life, with a new family. We were very determined that while we would acknowledge we would miss him, and acknowledge any sadness he may feel, we would support him to be excited about his new chapter. This took some work as there was sadness for us as we knew we would miss him! We spent time talking through who would do what so we could make sure we gave him the best possible send-off.
Billy had not been back to the program in the 10 days before his move and had, therefore, avoided many goodbyes with many Youth Care Workers (clever). Instead, he spent the time in his new foster home. The night before his official move Billy returned to spend the night in our program. Before going to bed that night, he sat with Youth Care Workers and wrote notes to everyone who worked at the program during his time there – some of whom have moved on to other employment. In each of these letters Billy expressed gratitude and a sense of love toward them. One letter started with ‘I love you.’ In each of them he drew on a special connection he had with each of them, be it a rivalry in sports teams, a game they played together, or any special moment they had shared. He remembered them all. To the extra special Youth Care Workers, he made sure to tell them to contact the program to find out how to contact him if they want to go out for coffee ... including at the end that they need to know they’re paying! Finally, Billy wrote a few lines to the organization itself thanking us for his time at our program. Before going to bed that night, Billy said goodbye to the Youth Care Workers hugging one while crying, refusing to let go. The Youth Care Worker didn’t let go until Billy did, recognizing there was no rush – and waiting for his own eyes to dry. After Billy went to bed, the Youth Care Workers quickly went to work making him a huge tray of his favorite cinnamon buns to take to his new home the next day.
On the day of the big move Billy picked his ‘favorite’ two Youth Care Workers to go out for supper with him and they made their way to Montana’s Steak House. Montana’s was a favorite not just for the food, but also for their tradition of celebrating special occasions with a giant Moose hat that was worn by customers who were celebrating. One of the Youth Care Workers quickly found a server and explained they were celebrating a special occasion. The Moose hat was brought over with a free dessert for Billy and they got a picture of all three of them which would be included in his photo album. After they ate, Billy spent time letting them know how much he appreciated them. He said he wished all youth could see that Youth Care Workers are there to help them. He also wanted to make sure that Youth Care Workers know that the kids don’t mean it when they call the Youth Care Workers names.
I spent that day helping him pack some things, making sure we had everything he needed to take with him, trying to be helpful, while intentionally hiding my own sadness. During one of my trips out to pick up additional items, I walked back into the house and Billy looked at me and blurted out “Caroline, your favorite player has been traded.” Billy and I had connected over our love of the Blue Jays baseball team during our time together. We had countless conversations about the games, players and the team’s prospects. So, when Billy abruptly told me my favorite player had been traded, my immediate response was “OMG this is the worst day ever. First, you’re leaving and now my favorite player is gone too!” In that moment, all the work on intentionality went out the window and I made it all about me! Thankfully we were able to use the moment to share a chuckle.
Before going out the door that evening, Billy needed to do one more thing. He had Youth Care Workers measure him on the height chart where each youth measures their growth while in the program. He said he needed to compare where he started and where he finished … needless to say, he grew in every aspect of the word, all thanks to the intentional approaches by a wonderful team of Youth Care Workers.
Reflective Questions
This is the last of six chapters being published in CYC-Online from the new book Stories from the In-Between: Relational Practice Teaching Tales. (Garfat and Modlin, eds. CYC-Net Press)
