Listen to thisI have always been struck by the fact that most of us choose photos of ourselves or our family members that display smiling faces in them. We rarely, if ever, choose a photo in which we look miserable, or pained, or disappointed even though this is how we often feel about things. And it got me wondering this month, why is that? What is it about the human condition that makes us favour the positive over the negative in terms of how we tend to capture specific moments in time?
Another thing that interests me is how we can sometimes get a photo wrong and attach inappropriate emotions to it. For example, I was on a visit to Vancouver, Canada, recently and was scheduled to stay with my Aunt Norma for a night or two. So I collected some materials to remind her of her family this side of the world and one of the things I chose was an old black and white photo dated somewhere in the 1950’s which, I thought, showed (from left to right) my Aunt Norma, my maternal grandfather Terence and my Mom, Christine.
I think it’s a lovely photo with the two young girls hanging out of Terence with my Mom’s right leg and right hand shyly hidden from camera view. I would even suggest her pose is a somewhat cheeky one as a smile plays across her face and her head is cocked.
So, with great fanfare I presented Norma with the photo which I have kept in my wallet since my Mom died in 1992. My Aunt really liked the photo but said, “You know of course that man is not my father, it’s Stan”. Well, I didn’t know at all and was rather taken aback. I had the wrong man in my wallet! I had attached emotions in one third of the photo for thirteen years that should not rightfully have been there. It was, as many visitors to police stations around the world will acknowledge, a case of mistaken identity.
I suppose the important thing is that my Aunt and Mom are happy in the photo regardless of the man. As it turns out, he was a beloved uncle of theirs so I guess my affection for him is secure in that he was family anyway. It seems as if he is gathering the girls in to him protectively. I like that.
Many children and youth in our care have no such photos and it is not unusual for some youth to “make up” families in an effort to fit in and be able to pull out those family album shots where all are smiling. All are happy for a time.
So, my wish for Child and Youth Care this month is that all centres make a special effort to place photos of our service users and their “families” and significant others on our fridges, on our breakfast bars, on our sitting room walls “or wherever “which capture something important to them. Not everyone has to be smiling. But it is important that people are there.
Be Well.
