In finding my father

Mark Gamble

My father does not live in the image of the man whose blood runs in my veins. I have come to understand that my father is a robust and wise individual created from the memory and experiences of several outstanding men. Out of necessity I have created a father worthy of the son, a father whose reality is bound to my soul.

The call for father is strong for me, as strong now as a 38 year old man, as it was to the youth of 19 when I first encountered my father.

I realised this earlier today as I drove away from Benny, a greying petrol attendant. In the few minutes we shared together, he spoke of the love for his woman, of travels to Zambia and years past in Ukontwe We Siswe. And in this time I was in the company of my father. Tendrils of integrity, compassion, courage found in the presence of this elder man woven into the substance of my own father.

I first met my father at 19, filled quite honestly with a whole pile of crap. Met my father in a man called Tim Wright. Met my father in his steady gaze and his teaching of the natural world. Tim planted the seed of a father I had never known when in a few moments of time, with few words, he took me to a place of choice, a gateway through which I entered allowing me to live my life with different purpose, with different intent.

My father includes the memory of a man called Steven Foster. A man who filled his life with living right up until the very moment he died.

And there is Dr. Don Matera, whose words have filtered into me and through me, weaving into the experiences and memories of other significant men. Forging the substance of my father.

My father is of great use to me as I navigate my own unique journey of life. Around me the image of man so often associated with rape, violation and endeavour in pursuit of endless power and greed. Yet I have a father whose wisdom guides me in choosing differently.

I write this for the community of male Child and Youth Care Workers. In your work with children who do not know father, may your involvement in their life be the seed that lies in the sanctity of their own inner world. A seed that will grow and flourish forging a father worthy of the son and the daughter.