Teaching kids responsibility
When we talk about children being responsible, we are talking about more that just doing chores. It’s not about just taking the dog out for a walk or making your bed. It is more about understanding how your actions affect other people and why rules are important.
Let's focus on tips for parents on teaching your child to be a responsible citizen.
Be a good role model: Kids don’t always listen to lectures or long conversations about what they should or should not do. However, they watch us all very carefully. Right from birth, everything you do as a parent is observed and remembered. They draw conclusions on our actions.
Example I – You and your son are rushing toward a store to get there before it closes. However, there is a fellow in a wheelchair who is having trouble trying to get through the door to get inside. You take the time to help him. The message given to your son is that it is good to take a moment to help other people.
Example II – You and your daughter are at the movies. While at the cashier paying for your movie tickets, you state that your daughter is younger than she really is so you can save money on her ticket. The conclusion drawn by your daughter is that it is OK to lie.
The old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” is not an effective philosophy or strategy in teaching kids responsibility.
Take note: Whenever your kids take responsibility, express your appreciation. As parents, we often forget to show our gratitude for being responsible. The unfortunate side of that, of course, is that we do notice when they do not act in a responsible manner and comment on that. Let your child know what aspects of responsibility are important to you. You can do this by saying “Thank you” or offering other positive reinforcement when they act in a responsible manner.
Let your child know that privilege and responsibility go hand-in-hand: Some children develop a sense of entitlement. Children need the opportunity to act responsibly and earn privileges. An example is chores. Chores are a great opportunity for parents to recognize a child’s level of responsibility and to show their appreciation and acknowledgment by conferring privileges.
Consequences: Think of appropriate consequences for your child when he or she makes a mistake and doesn’t act responsibly. Thinking ahead and even discussing consequences with your child, prior to any problem can ensure you respond in a consistent and fair way. Nothing is worse than having to think of a consequence when you are angry, hurt and in the middle of the situation. Having your child help you to think of the consequences allows you to say “this is something we came up with together and you thought was fair.”
Children learn responsibility by taking responsibility: Don’t be too quick to rescue your kids from a problem. Allow them the opportunity to try and fix their own mistakes. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a conversation about it and help them to problem solve, but they need to come to a conclusion on their own. Henry Ford once said, “failure is an opportunity to come back to the problem more intelligently a second time.”
Responsibility is the glue that keeps society together. We learn to follow the rules of the road responsibly so we don’t have car accidents; most of us learn to be responsible citizens by helping others and working to make our community better. Most of us take responsibility in making our environment cleaner for future generations. As parents, we instil these virtues and values in our children, starting at birth. The bottom line is, as parents, one of our responsibilities is to show our kids how to be responsible.
Natasha Bacchus
6 November 2008
http://www.princegeorgecitizen.com/20081106160095/opinion/columns/teaching-kids-responsibility.html
