The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
Fact or ... fact?Listen in: Margaret (the supervisor) says to Merry (child and youth worker): "Here’s a new fact we have to deal with: Sharon (youth, 15) feels that you are beginning to dislike her. She feels that some days you are impatient with her and even avoiding her."
Merry: "But that’s not true! I don’t know how she can say that – and how can you call it a ‘fact’ when it’s obviously not?"
Not an uncommon reaction on our part as child care workers when a client’s feeling or opinion is reported to us. When we commit to work with a youngster and spend time and energy on the relationship, we are tempted to oversimplify our own expectations of the relationship. When we see signs of reciprocity and rapport we smell success – but when the reports sound negative we find ourselves protesting and being defensive.
The Child and Youth Care work relationship is more complex than "things are/are not going well". Here is a common difficulty: It may not be true that Merry is beginning to dislike or become impatient with Sharon. But that Sharon feels this way is a clinical fact.
This report from her supervisor is not a criticism of Merry’s relationship with Sharon, but important objective information about how Sharon is feeling in this relationship. Within the process of working with Sharon this may mean any of a dozen things, for example –
To feel more secure in her relationship with Merry, Sharon may have spawned this rumour to secure more of Merry’s attention;
Sharon may for the first time be using this relationship to deal with her issues of rejection, and the relationship may be entering a critical period;
Merry may be working at loosening some over-dependency on Sharon’s part, and will learn from this report to take this stage more slowly ...
We listen carefully to what our clients say. The words may or may not be literal truth. But the fact that they say these words is true and of profound interest to us.
