The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
We are often reminded by our friends that we are losing our values – if not our minds. A friend was visiting our program and we had picked one of the small sitting room corners for a cup of tea. Two or three of the kids joined us there, just hanging out. 15-year-old Andrew picked up a magazine, made himself comfortable, and rested a heel on the coffee table. "Take your foot off that table, at once!" I reacted. My visitor laughed. I looked at her. "I was just imagining you," she said, "talking to your next-door neighbour like that – or to a new child!"
She was right. Familiarity can breed contempt. Unless we stay alert to the children and youth we work with, and to our roles with them, we can easily get used to them, tire of them, forget to respect them. Of course Andrew mustn’t put his foot on the furniture, but I mustn’t treat him like a piece of furniture!
In our practice today there is an exercise we can do. As we approach each child, for whatever purpose, imagine that he or she is a newcomer or a neighbour. Let’s remind ourselves of how differently we often treat newcomers. Forget that Jackie is a bit of a whiner, that Greg is scratchy in the early morning, that Henry has a way of hijacking all conversations or that Sheila is going to argue about her turn to clean up after breakfast – and remember that we have a way of building immunity to these kids’ irritations, that we become less sensitive and responsive to them. In a way we anticipate their tiresome behaviours, we expect the worst. And, sure enough ... (And then, when you're alone with yourself, ask why.)
Today, imagine they’re the neighbours’ kids. Imagine they’re newly-arrived kids. See them through fresh eyes.
