The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
Problems of the Third KindThere are three kinds of problems which kids suffer.
First are those which we as adults and professionals cause -- when we disappoint or fail young people, when we get impatient or punitive, when we are not care-full and thorough in our upbringing and education tasks. We confuse kids, wreak uncertainty and mistrust where we are supposed to be building and reassuring. These are our problems and we have to do something about them.
The second kind of problems are those which the kids experience as threatening and immobilising – for whatever reason. Young people in special need have their own cues and triggers about things that scare them, and when we recognise these we protect them and help them to overcome their fears. These are also our problems.
The problems of the third kind are not life threatening. They are the daily challenges thrown up by life which the kids bring to us because they would rather not do the work. And we are willing to help because we can and we like to demonstrate our know-how and we want to show that our program is responsive and helpful and because maybe we are uncomfortable with any kind of problem lurking around the place and maybe it buys us a little credit with the kids and anything for a quiet life.
The problems of the third kind are not our problems, and we greatly risk the life curriculum of young people when we play Mr Fixit to their past-due dependencies and avoidances. These problems are the muscle builders of the children's wills and skills which they need to take home with them, and we cheat them when we say "Let me do that for you."
These are the problems which we listen to but hand back to the kids, asking "What do you think that you can do about that?" This way we affirm their strengths and growth, we convey expectations and possibilities, we express interest and confidence, encourage independence and autonomy.
Our experience tells us how to discern a problem
of the third kind. It's hard to decide when to say yes and when to say no.
In every intervention we know that we must always do as much as is needed
and never more than we should. What do you think you can do about that?
