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Listen
SilenceThe twenty-something child care worker was sitting with a youngster who had brought a particularly difficult and painful problem. At one stage the worker was struggling with the question of what to say next, what would be most helpful, how to phrase it ... then discarding this idea and starting again – when the youngster reached across and patted his arm reassuringly, and said "It’s OK."
A reminder that we don’t always have to say something.
Of course there are unhelpful or unkind silences – the ignoring or angry silence, the withholding silence. Our care worker was creating a stressed and unsettling silence. But the youngster in our story would have been happy enough with the generosity of silent time given, of quiet support, of availability, listening.
We all remember the times when we were ill as children, and a parent or family member came simply "to sit with us" for a while. No words might be exchanged; the company alone spoke volumes.
Young people who are worried or hurt – or even angry – don’t always want words. Often they are grateful for the space we give them to grapple with a problem or grieve over a loss for themselves. Our presence at such times is often our relationship at its most intimate.
