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When youngsters are admitted on to a residential program, there is a danger that their "place" in their own homes can close up, be taken over. Other family members can get used to their absence. The youth can stop being missed, and we end up with added barriers to their eventual return home.
An obvious reason for this "closing up" is that the youth were difficult at home. There is a sense of relief on the part of the family that the unpleasantness associated with a challenging and trying kid has been alleviated. There is less tension around. Time and energy have been freed up. The "work" which had gone into maintaining equilibrium and handling conflict is over. There’s more to go around. This is true also in terms of money and goods: it could be that the youngster’s place in the family budget begins to close up, that his or her claim on the family’s resources is forfeited.
A slightly more complex reason is that the young person had become a scapegoat, that the struggling family system had neurotically focused their problems in this one young person, and he or she was now "expelled" from the home along with all the family's own feelings of failure or guilt. Best forgotten.
Once we believe that there is in fact a future for the child in the family (this may not always be true), it is crucial, both in our admission routine and in our day-to-day programming, that the family’s continuing share of responsibility is maintained. When the family plays a part in the admission process and understands the nature and goals of the placement, they retain a stake in the youth’s progress. The intervention is an individual and a family one. When the family are included in the week by week planning, they stay on as contributors of time, energy and resources. It is our job to work so closely with the family that they learn all the lessons along with us and the youth, and that they share the maximum possible involvement and feedback. Any tasks and any progress belongs to all.
Above all, In our practice today we will avoid situations which lead to the youngster getting relegated to the past tense in the family. Or getting pushed out so that the very goal of the placement is subverted. Don’t let the family unmake the bed or let the room!
Confirm the reservation.
