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Listen
The principal pediatrician of the city’s hospital was welcoming us to the conference, and he referred to some of the experiences of his staff who worked with abused children. Using the acronym CARE, he talked about communication, acceptance, respect and enthusiasm.
We were shocked at his first illustration, clinical and forensic slides of a young baby who had been battered, severe head and facial injuries, both arms broken, all requiring weeks of ongoing surgery and other treatments. The conference delegates were appalled and angered by the harm inflicted on this baby and demanded to know what had been done with the mother ... no doubt seeking some closure for the distressing presentation.
The speaker moved on to material which was more familiar to the Child and Youth Care delegates. His next illustration concerned a young girl of sixteen who had been maltreated and abused, physically and sexually, throughout her childhood. She fell pregnant when she was fourteen, and when this was discovered a few months later, she was made to leave home and was expelled from school. Initially, in spite of the shame she felt and which stopped her calling on friends, she had the pluck to try to make things work out. She lied about her age and condition and got a low paid job and a further after-hours job in a corner shop. She found a room to rent. An aunt helped where she could – but for only six months or so. The now fifteen-year-old mother tried to continue alone. She looked for cheap day care, hired a maid part-time to help with the baby while she kept on working long hours, and she came home exhausted to an empty life and a distressed baby who cried interminably. The young girl felt utterly alone. Her former friends were still at school and had busy social lives in the evenings and weekends. She had none. Her family still refused to see her or help her. The finances were not working out. She was sapped of energy.
The girl soon reached a stage of despair. Through the fatigue and hopelessness she considered suicide, lost patience with her wretched and demanding baby, and one night, when she could take no more, she threw the yelling child against a wall – once, twice and again.
Of course, her child was the baby we had seen in the introductory slides.
The lesson was not lost on us. Our rage at the mother in illustration 1 became sympathy for the girl in illustration 2. We learned that before we jump to conclusions or make judgements about families or children we must know more than just one side of the story.
The whole truth.
