The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
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Contagious affectionDaniel Monti starts his 1994 book* with the following sentence: "It really helps to like young people when you do research on a subject like gangs, because sometimes teenagers are little shits." At first reading, a rawly stated opinion, but there is a truth in there, and all of us know that it is not always easy to like the kids we work with. Some kids, in their withdrawal and self-protection or angry retaliation against their life circumstances, make themselves unlikeable; they frankly do not welcome advances of warmth and the risks of closeness -- and they repel. "Keep your distance" is the untrusting (and often knowing) rebuff. Other kids are just plain hard to like. These barriers to affection often cause the making of relationships to be a slow and awkward procedure for us who work through the medium of relationships. And we all have our own styles of working through this, of being realistic about the nature of relationships with troubled and hurting kids -- and eventually reaching through to them.
Our colleagues are having the same difficulty. Maybe not in a case meeting where others are listening, but certainly in the halls and over hasty cups of tea during breaks, we get to know who is struggling with whom. "That kid gives me a hard time/gets on my nerves/is plain trouble ..." and so on.
Something akin to labelling is happening here, or maybe Goffman’s "spoiled identity". A characterisation is being attached to somebody, and this may spill out into a number of negative side-effects: others may "catch" pessimistic expectations of the kid; the self-fulfilling prophecy is a possibility; there may be implied permission to dislike, differentiate or marginalise the youth. Make no mistake, troubled kids will live up to any pejorative impressions we utter or allow, and then we are all heading south.
And, of course, there is an opposite process. Child and youth care workers are trained to work with strengths – to identify, promote and grow strengths. When, in our work with difficult youth, we observe and comment on a positive attribute, we allow for new possibilities for their identities. "That kid can kick a ball/impressed me with his patience/has guts ..." Expressions of admiration or liking go towards building an altogether different reputation, and, again, kids will live up to positive expectations.
In our practice today we avoid contributing to youths’
negative identities, however difficult they may be, knowing how this can add
to a downward spiral; and we seek out genuine positive qualities and let
them be known. Whether we are working in a community, family or residential
setting, when a young person experiences respect and approval from you and
me – and then feels this attitude complemented or reflected by others in his
or her immediate circle – we are truly contributing to "the powerful
environment".
* Monti, D.J. (1994) Wannabe: Gangs in Suburbs and Schools, Oxford:
Blackwell
