The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
ListenImagine that you are due to give a talk, write an article, go on a camp, meet a new group ... and you are asked for a brief two- or three-point biographical sketch of yourself. What are you going to write? Chances are you will pick two or three things by which you would like to be known. You got that degree, co-authored that guide, are good at that game, led that group ...
The kids we work with often get two- or three-point biographies by which they would prefer not to be known. They have to take that medication, that are aggressive or addicted, they have to be in that program, we must watch out for his or her ... How they must long to wear some name tag other than those which reflect their failures and limitations.
We also know that some kids will pay any price to get a name tag (no matter how negative) which at least recognises their individuality – "Kathy is the group dummy", "Mike is our ‘slave’, he will always go to the shop for us." So in this wretched way some kids will perform to satisfy others, but not for themselves. (See "The Smiler, the Dragon and the Clown".)
In our practice today we look for opportunities to affirm even the smallest individual gains and "becomings" which our kids achieve so that their identities gather some real positive qualities. Peter is good at fixing things like that, Janice helped make this dessert, LJ has good taste in colours. We never give false or indulgent tags (like John is the fastest runner or Mary is a good girl.) But real acknowledgements build positive identities and add value to kids’ sense of self.
And they look good on those biographical sketches.
