The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
In coming to terms with a new youth in our program, do we ever find ourselves seduced by the false comfort offered by external compatibility? When we’re going to spend a lot of time together, as in sharing living space and eating meals together – and especially when we are going to play caregiver, educator or adult roles – does surface familiarity with our own cultural and familial habits seem to put less "distance" between us – and draw more "approval" for the youngster?
When we find ourselves voicing our own preferences in manners and habits (I prefer no elbows on the table, I’ve never liked that kind of music, we always say grace before meals) we are (perhaps unconsciously?) wishing away the rough edges of difference which separate others from PLUs (people like us). We may be feeling anxious about working closely with people who have different values and customs from our own. And however subtle or polite we may think we are, the flipside of approval is disapproval, and kids coming into programs are especially sensitive to this. And (again unconsciously?) we make more difficult the getting alongside which is fundamental to the relationship which would help us to understand and motivate the youth.
Our programs, like us, can unthinkingly set cultural values and expectations (in the menus we plan, the dress codes we impose, the language we use, the recreation we offer) which fail the first test of child-centredness – along with all the other tests like family awareness, diversity, respect.
In our practice today we try to get less hung up about preferred things that we don't see, and more concerned about the important things we do see. We get to understand the kids through the observations we make, through the empathy we practise. How youth see their world and function within it is of clinical importance; regretting that they don't function within our world is of no value.
Tonight we will either be further apart or closer together. Take your pick.
